I’m writing this with just a blank white screen, bordered by two dark shades, and even though this is the only thing in front me, I still find difficulty in concentrating. Writing is not easy and for those with the ability to just play with words and pen a piece without effort, I sure hope I will meet them in my lifetime. I desperately need their energy, love, support, values, philosophy, best practices, secrets, lifestyle techniques, relational guidelines, religious stance, tactics, etc. In short, I need to be them. I know, however, as per my father’s guidance and insistent teaching (especially on the grammar area) that writing is truly difficult and even the great William Zinsser himself tries to avoid it, even if he’s one of the best writers we have. It takes time, effort, concentration and the ability to put in ink what we have on our cluttered minds in an organized fashion.

I’m partly being paid for writing for the past 14 months and it’s a job I’ve dreamt, as part of my at least 1 billion dreams and secret projections of my future, but never really thought I could get. I’m fearful of my prospects, frightened by the uncharted territories I have yet to explore, the rules and styles I still need to learn and the volumes of content I have yet to create. Add to this, that sense of insecurity in my ability to convey thoughts in the best way possible. I have been borderline nerve wreck when I know I have a blank screen to fill, the feeling started a few months after I have dove in to this potential “career path”, not knowing where the path will lead.

In reality, though, I need to make writing for me to work. My conceptual skills are practically unlimited, but my technical skills have always been geared to doing one thing - dealing with the written, printed, tweeted or in a more web 2.0 fashion, spreadable word. I do not know if I will feel excited to write again, but all I know right now is I want to write. I want to share my thoughts, dreams, aspirations, visions and desires on paper or the web or wherever the characters I’m using now can be seen or applied.

I know it’s difficult to write and this public confession, which will probably be read by at least three people- my parents and my best friend, may still not reflect on my actions, but typing it away feels darn good.

The reason it’s difficult to write is because it involves sharing a lot of you, a good part of you and I guess if I want to be good at this, I need to learn to be very, very generous. In the end, I’ll feel darn good anyway for doing so.